im alone now, im afraid of being alone, i had sucidial thoughts for a while but that wont help me.

im afraid and i hate myself, i cant even stand to be around myself, i cant stand to look myself in the mirror, i cant sleep, i cant eat.

i was seeing a guy for 3 months but he decided to not make it exclusive and so i took a girl out on a date yesterday and told him i went to my yoga class.

after i saw him.. the tickets fell out of my purse when i left.. he was sad and hurt. if he made us exclusive this wouldnt have happened.

i want to change, i want to be better. i feel so disgusting to be around myself but i cant escape... what am i gonna do without him?

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Find something worth dying for and live for it.

That is a pretty sad thing to run into him and then him finding out the truth. Is there no possible way you can get ahold of him or somehow tell him why you lied? I mean if you're sincerely upset about this and didn't mean for it to happen you should be trying every way possible to make things right between you two. Tell him that you were waiting for him to make you two exclusive or something. Just don't give up. Try your hardest to find a way to communicate to him how you feel about all that has happened.

If you can't get ahold of him and have to live with what happened, they you're just going to have to suck it up. You lied and didn't tell him what you were feeling. I know it's hard, but you should have talked to him about the whole exclusive thing. It might have brought about a different outcome. Even possibly a happier outcome. I am sorry this happened. It's not easy losing someone you cared about.

Still, just try to somehow talk with him and explain why you did that. Maybe hopefully he'll give you the second chance you need.

-Britni

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I love you!